Balance
A teacher of mine once actually said, “Go out there and get your heart broken a couple times. You’re too green!” I felt like this was permission to go have fun (whatever that meant; I had lived a pretty sheltered suburban life, but now I had graduated college and was in NYC, so you do the math…), go explore, adventure, get a life! I think of Agnes Gooch's song in MAME, “‘I Lived.” Needless to say, I enjoyed the heck out of my 20s.
In training for a life in the theater, I danced at Broadway Dance Center while working the front desk. I began voice training with Joan Lader. I also studied a 2nd, then a 3rd Master year with Bill Esper. Rehearsing, auditioning, doing workshops, bartending at various restaurants and doing appearances as Marvel Comics, “Jean Grey” of The X-Men. Fun fact: in the 90’s I played Jean Grey at her public wedding to Cyclops at the NY Hyatt—and the great Stan Lee gave me away! How cool was I?
I did a lot of “living” during my time in New York. And yes, I had my heart broken more than a few times. I had struggles. That’s life. It’s how I got through them that I reflect on.
I share these “living” lessons daily. I also listened to that little voice in my head that would say, “You’ve got this!” Or “Check your moral compass!” Or “This isn't a good person or situation.” Like a weather barometer in me, my intuition (my dad called it “street smarts”) and I would dialogue or I would journal and say, “I gotta remember this. I can use this in my acting one day.” It wasn't easy being green. (Sorry, Kermit, I couldn't help myself.)
Jump ahead to my 30s—I was having some success and my agent, Jerry Hogan (Who I loved!) said, “Don’t forget to have a life, Jodi! A successful actor has a balanced life. Your career will always be here.” Something in me downshifted. I started thinking about my health. My family. What I wanted my life to look like. I started doing more personal work. I looked toward other dreams besides being an actor. I met a man who became my best friend, with mutual respect, love and endless support. We married, faced challenges together, but we weathered them, and had a son. I continued working in the theater, but made choices to stay near home and raise my family. And I started sharpening my skills…as a teacher.
Years go by. I lose one parent, then both parents. Perfect Lynn’s life turns into an imperfect mess. Twin brother, Todd, deeply betrays me. Betrays “me,” his life-long protector. And I dropped. Dropped into a whole other realm of “finding balance”.
In reading what I wrote in my 20’s, how naive it sounded; “I’ll use this in my acting.” But I did. I had to.
Cut to 21 years of marriage later, I notice my husband looking at me. And I breathe…true family, there you are. Then I gaze to the other side of me and see my 17 year old college bound Senior. Kind, so smart, funny, moral, responsible, a leader, bright, not to mention gorgeous. I am proud!
Ah, there you are—Balance.
I could not do the work I now do so fully without taking the messy and beautiful journey that is my life. And now—at “1 hour” before the curtain rises, before the audience files in—I do my ritual “walk the stage.” I go center stage, get still and honor how far I’ve come.
Balance takes time.
Time takes patience.
It’s an actors responsibility to work on themselves off stage, in order to be their best selves on stage.
Again, Dad would say. “That’s BALANCE, baby!”